How many pairs do you own?
If I tell you,
will you leave me alone?
Depends how many?
Is it a lot?
I don’t know the number,
must have forgot.
Surely someone like you should know?
Alright, I’ve got about 10 on the go.
I use to have an excel sheet,
But tracking my consumption made me weap.
Still not heard a number,
just words and cries,
If I gave you a number I would despise,
myself for owning so many shoes,
my fragile ego it would bruise,
so please,
don’t ask me any more.
Goodness gracious what a bore.
Then a bore I’ll be,
I’ve only got one pair can’t you see,
they’re currently tied up on my feet.
Tag Archives: shoe poem
Shoes Poems 007: velcro shoes
Do you feel complete?
What do you mean?
Complete.
Huh?
Finished.
No I wouldn't say so. Do you?
I don't think so.
How can you tell?
That's a good point.
We're not even thirty.
Are people complete at thirty?
I don't think so. People have meltdowns at thirty.
People are always having meltdowns.
Not like the ones you get at thirty.
How would you know? You're 24.
I've seen them. On the train, the supermarkets, you can see it in their eyes.
So now you're a meltdown expert?
No. It's just obvious.
Look at that man over there.
Which one?
The guy with the denim hat. Does he look happy to you?
Sure. Yeah he does.
Look closer.
I don't want to get up though.
Not like that silly, with your eyes. Really look.
Hmm he's wearing velcro shoes.
And?
And that means he's a man child.
No.
Okay what does it mean then Mr meltdown.
It means he's in pain.
Righhhht. And how did you come to that conclusion?
Well, no one loved him enough to tell him how to tie his shoes when he was younger.
Because he has velcro shoes?
Yeh, and when he puts on his shoes he is instantly reminded of his childhood loneliness.
I think you're reaching.
I don't think I am. Does anyone you know own velcro shoes in your life?
Not that I can think of. Oh wait, my grandpa used to have velcro shoes.
Well there you go.
What do you mean, there you go? He had arthritis.
So he was in pain.
I mean I guess.
And therefore he was unhappy.
No. He was unhappy at times because he missed my grandma.
Either way. He was in pain and he wore velcro shoes.
There is no correlation.
That's what he wanted you to think.
Right, so all kids wearing velcro shoes are unhappy too are they?
Yep.
Now you are lost. They just haven't learnt yet.
Learnt what?
Learned how to tie their own shoes.
Because?
Because they're too young.
You can never be too young to tie your shoes.
Says who?
Einstein.
Now I know you're lying.
He learnt to tie his shoes at two months old.
So he was baby wearing shoe laces. Lies.
No lies here m'dear.
Everyone knows Einstein was chronically sad though.
I didn't.
Well now you do Mr Velcro shoes.
I would never have been able to tell with his tied shoes.
Great.
More to the point. Where are your laces?
I don't want to talk about it.
Shoe Poems 006: Everywhere
Everywhere you look, shoes are left to their demise. A universal sign of emptiness. Sat in a shop window. Sat by the front door. A pair to pop the to shops in. Knock about the house in. Take the bins out in. Kicked off in the heat of the moment. Dangling from a tree. A rite of a passage. Waiting for repair. Caught in a mosh pit. An impatient child. Lost by someone equally as lost. An angry ex. Too far gone. Too soggy for indoors. A drunken night out. A prank gone wrong. Unwanted waste. All without an owner. Unfinished stories. Open endings strewn across the floor.
Shoe Poems: 003
The shoes we lace up on our feet,
are funny little things,
they cause grown men to scream and shout,
and sometimes even sing.
I had a pair colours blue and red,
they really made me smile,
now sat in my dark cupboard,
I've not seen them for a while.
I spent and bought one too many,
it would be wise to stop,
but when you see them on the shelf,
I cannot help but stop.
I stroke my chin, convince myself,
I really need this one,
when I really need a holiday,
some sun, the sea and fun.
It's hard to wear shoes on the beach,
there's sand just everywhere,
but stood in my fresh new shoes
I don't think I'd even care.
So here's to no more shoes,
yet many trips abroad,
to stop buying as many shoes
to that you have my word.
shoe poems 002
I once bought a shoe,
without the faintest of clues,
about how they'd fit on me trotters.
To my surprise,
they were perfect in size,
so now I feel a lot hotter.
shoe poems 001
leather, lace and rubber,
the places you'll discover,
with shoes on your feet,
so steer clear from your seat,
and you'll be moments away from each other.
wear shoes, write poems 