She dived into the water 
not knowing what lay below,
but the fun was in not knowing; 
the unexpected.
So much of her life had
been planned.
Meticulous.
That’s how she would 
describe her childhood,
which was sad.
She chased chaos,
almost threw herself 
at it.
She knew why,
which made the act 
less	crazy.
Or so she had convinced herself.
Emerged in the deep blue
she was safe again,
something she had unfortunately
had to learn on her own.
Her parents were never absent,
yet at the same time
they weren’t exactly present.
Floating there
her eyes shut
waiting for some form
of contact.
A nibble from a fish
Or the brushing past of a shark.
Maybe the Sea wasn’t the right place 
to look for embrace.